How to Build Confidence One Stretch at a Time

I was in a yoga class last week when the instructor invited us to practise each pose in a way that met the sweet spot between challenge and skill.

This is the point where our ability sits just below the challenge we’re trying to meet. He reminded us that when the challenge is too far below our skill level, we drift into boredom. If you’re an advanced yoga practitioner (I’m working on it :-)), a beginner class won’t stretch you — you’ll disengage.

On the other hand, if you’re brand new and drop into an advanced class, overwhelm hits fast.

In both scenarios — boredom or overwhelm — skill and challenge are too far apart, and we’re at risk of giving up.

The sweet spot is where growth, evolution and mastery happen.

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, author of Flow - The Psychology of Optimal Experience, describes this zone as a state in which we’re so immersed in what we’re doing that time disappears. Our skills strengthen because we’re deeply connected to the challenge in front of us.

In last week’s class, I felt the benefit of this approach. I pushed myself enough to stretch my skill level, but not so far that I tipped into frustration or fear. Staying in the sweet spot meant being focused, present and attuned to each movement.

This idea applies beautifully to speaking with confidence.

If you're wanting to express yourself more fully or speak up more often at work, it’s easy to overwhelm yourself by setting goals that feel too big or too far out of reach. Likewise, if you attend a confidence-building workshop and the content is far below your current level, you’ll spend the whole time disengaged and walk away feeling it wasn’t worth your time.

Confidence isn’t a one-size-fits-all skill. Finding your sweet spot means knowing where you are right now, then choosing a stretch that moves you into new territory — without pushing you into stress or shutdown.

The question to ask is:

“What’s the next smallest, do-able stretch that will move me toward greater confidence?”

Maybe it’s speaking first in a meeting.

Maybe it’s making that phone call you’ve been avoiding.

Maybe it’s putting your hand up to ask a question, rather than staying silent.

Action builds confidence.

Choose a stretch — not a leap — and you’ll begin the shift from inertia to expression.