From Permission to Decision
Getting Your Point Across
Last week I was captivated by the powerful speeches delivered by Grace Tame and Brittany Higgins to the National Press Club. Watching them speak, it was notable that they didn't mince their words, hide behind others or apologise for talking about topics that may make people feel uncomfortable.
Rather, when delivering their words they made clear requests about changes they would like to see to protect all people, including women, girls and boys, from abuses of power.
To get their messages across, there were no phrases like:
"I'm sorry to have to share this...."
"Do you mind if I take up an hour of your time..."
"Is it alright if I say something else?"
I'm sure if they did, the media would have left the room, there would be little awareness raising and their words would not have been heard - there would be no hope for change.
Rather, both Grace and Brittany were direct in their language. They were clear, precise and authoritative.
They used phrases like:
"I would rather..."
"When we act..."
"I want to stress that..."
"I believe it will be..."
"What needs to be done is ...."
American author and speaker Joyce Meyer said 'words are containers for power'. We instinctively know this to be true. I'm sure you can recall words you've heard that have felt like a slap in the face on one hand, or a warm bath on the other. Words can shoot you down, lift you up, or do anything in-between.
The words you choose when you speak therefore matter. And they matter a lot.
Words shape the way you feel about yourself and the way you are seen in the world.
When you speak powerfully, you feel strong, certain and confident and you are heard to be this way. When you use apologetic and permission based words and language you feel weaker, uncertain and submissive. In this state, you have less influence, get less of what you want and feel more anxious.
To grow your influence, it's therefore useful to consider the words you use.
Start taking note of whether your language is permissive and apologetic or authoritative and direct. Unless you are speaking with your grandparents or your mother-in-law, consider minimising words and phrases such as:
I'm sorry but...
When you have time...
You can say no if you want to but...
Is it alright if I ask you a question...?
Do you mind if I...?
Consider swapping these out for more authoritative and decisive words and phrases such as:
I would like to...
I'm letting you know...
The question I would like to ask is...
I'm going to...
This is important to me...
You don't need to stand on a stage or speak to the media to make your voice count. It counts everyday - what you have to say matters and is worthy of being heard and one way to help with this is to mind your language.