Staying In Your Power

How to Handle Difficult Questions

Are you heading off to a family and friends gathering this Christmas and rather than being excited about the prospect, you’re dreading the conversation?

Perhaps you’re catching up with relatives who consistently ask uncomfortable questions?

Or maybe you’re introducing a new friend or partner to your mates and you’re afraid of unwanted remarks?

Uncomfortable conversations are a necessary part of life, but there's a line to be drawn between conversations that create break throughs and those that contribute to break downs. If certain conversations have you squirming, avoiding, heating up and losing your power, ending in a situation you didn’t want to be in, it may be useful to have a conversational survival tool to turn to.

One such tool is a technique called bridging.

It's a strategy I learnt in my media spokesperson days as a way to handle uncomfortable questions from a journalist.

The technique helps you build a bridge from a difficult question or point, back to a topic you feel comfortable discussing. It goes like this:

Step 1: The person asks a question or makes a point you feel uncomfortable answering.

Step 2: You acknowledge what they said.

Step 3: You manage the conversation by using a phrase that links to a topic you feel happy to discuss.

What this technique allows you to do is build a bridge to safety.

Here's an example:
Uncomfortable question: When are you having kids? (1)
Bridge building response: I can understand your interest in this however I've not given it a lot of thought (2). What I have been thinking about however is how fabulous your garden looks (3). What have you planted this year?

Here's another example of how to use this technique to avoid defensiveness:
Accusatory question: Why didn’t you let me know you were bringing your new partner home? (1)
Bridge building response: I know you like being prepared and I acknowledge it would have been better to let you know - I apologize (2). One thing I do want to tell you in advance however is that I’m planning to go to Thailand this year (3). I know you've been before - what sights do you recommend I visit?

And here's an example of how to use it to avoid topics that have the potential for conflict:
High risk question: What do you think of the new mayor? (1)
Bridge building response: I know how interested you are in the new mayor and their policies (2). It’s not something I’m prepared to comment on today but I would like to know more about the new house being built next door (3). It looks fabulous – is someone new moving in?

Acknowledging the question means the person asking it feels heard, and by bridging to another topic you get to stay in your power by taking control of the direction of the conversation.

I trust you will find this a useful tool for your festive season conversation tool-kit! When you can manage the conversation effectively you can then play an active role in keeping and amplifying the peace and joy that characterises this time of year.