Access Points to Confidence - #4 Make Your Own Decisions

Decision making is critical to creating the life you want.

When you decide to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to the things that do or don’t align with how you want to spend your time, to the people you do or don’t want to hang out with, or to the voice in your head that you do or don’t want to listen to, you get to create more of what you want.

Decision making is about YOU taking responsibility for your life.

The most important decision you’ll make is deciding you’ll make more of your own decisions.

When you choose, and express your choices, it:

  • Builds greater self awareness

  • Builds inner strength

  • Creates clarity about your preferences

  • Helps others get to know you better

It’s likely you make a lot of decisions every day like what shoes am I going to wear? Or what time do I need to leave home? Or will I go for a walk or stay in bed? Many decisions are made automatically. You simply choose and get on with your day (or keep snoozing if you’ve chosen to stay in bed )

What happens when we don’t make decisions?

Despite the fact you may be well practised at making small decisions daily, there may be other occasions where you outsource your decision making to others and with that, outsource your power.

When you do this, you perpetuate a way of living that attaches your behaviour to someone else’s preferences.

Here’s a simple example:

If someone asks:

“What movie would you like to watch?” and you say:

“I don’t mind – you choose.”

You might end up spending 2 hours of your time watching something you’re not interested in.  You walk away feeling frustrated, and you’ve also lost 2 hours of your life you’re not going to get back.

Why do we avoid making decisions?

Not making decisions, or hesitating to do so, can feel frustrating, however it also carries with it some (often unconscious) benefits. These include:

  • You get to avoid rocking the boat

  • You get to avoid thinking for yourself

  • You get to hide your authentic self (which can feel safer)

  • You get to blame others if something goes wrong

  • You get to avoid taking responsibility

You can make the decision to stick with these benefits.  However, to build confidence and get in charge of your life, it’s useful to practise making more decisions.

Here are a few ways to help:

  • Firstly, decide you are going to make more of your own decisions. Commit to this.

  • Be less amenable to other people's suggestions and more committed to making up your own mind. Worry less about what others think and more about what you want.

  • Practise trusting yourself. Make small decisions and follow them through. Keep your word to yourself.

  • Decide ahead of time. This can make it easier to say yes, or no, when someone suggests something else.

  • Notice when you’re procrastinating on making a decision and call time on it. Give yourself a finite deadline before you say ‘that’s enough – time to decide.’

Now…what will I have for lunch?

Sharon Natoli