Rewrite Your Script
Challenging unhelpful Stories
Last weekend I started swearing.
Not that I haven't sworn in my life to date. It's just that most of it occurs in my head.
I've been too afraid to swear out loud - a fear that comes from my childhood when I was told my mouth would be washed out with soap if I did.
Whenever occasions arise that require swearing, I find the words don't flow. They feel like stones stuck in my throat. There are brakes on my self expression when it comes to emphasising my point, adding colour to my vocab or saying what I really want to say.
This unhelpful belief about the consequences of swearing has stuck with me, despite logic saying it no longer applies.
Then last weekend I happened to be in a sauna with one of my mentors. As we were chatting, she spontaneously dared me to swear out loud. So I did - a lot! Tentatively at first, and then it flowed - a decades long outpouring of held back swear words (no it wasn't recorded so I don't have a video to share :-)).
Instead of washing my mouth out with soap, I washed it out with the words.
The experience was freeing and reminded me of what Dr Rebecca Ray, in her book Setting Boundaries - Care for Yourself and Stop Being Controlled by Others, refers to as letting go of unhelpful life scripts. These scripts are the unconscious stories designed early in life that you make up to protect yourself. Some of these can be so deep-seated and repetitive you don't think to question or review them.
For me, while I felt uncomfortable every time I wanted to swear and held back, I hadn't taken the time to delve into it. Rather, I kept dismissing it.
However, as Dr Ray points out, for as long as you don't review and/or repair these scripts, you'll find yourself stuck on repeat, playing out the same repetitive patterns that no longer serve you.
Following my swearing tirade, it's unlikely swear words will feature regularly in my vocab, but I know I have the freedom to choose to use them when the occasion demands it.
Is an unhelpful script running your life? Do you feel stuck with repetitve patterns that no longer serve you?
If so, a few questions that may be helpful:
When do I feel frustrated, or held back?
What belief sits behind that?
Is that belief useful?
Where does it come from and does it still apply?
What do I need to say or do to re-write that script to one that better serves me?
Stop and listen, then find a safe space to practise saying the words out loud, or doing the thing you've been holding back on. Then observe what happens to your sense of freedom to take a different action in the future.