Speaking Up in the Presence of Power
Staying Calm and Remaining Confident
One of my earliest memories of being challenged to speak up for myself was ordering lunch on the first day of Year 3.
Having graduated from 'infant' to primary school, the system for lunch orders was different. The wire basket that usually sat at the front of the room into which we'd place our brown paper bags, wasn't there. I desperately looked around but couldn't see an alternative.
The teacher, Mr Till, was young, bearded, wearing jeans and exuded lots of energy. As a 7 year old from a clean shaven, quiet and conservative family, he seemed scary, intimidating and powerful.
After scanning the room for every possibility to work out the lunch ordering system without having to ask him a question, the thought of going hungry outweighed my fear. I drew on all my courage and finally put my hand up.
With a shaky voice I said: "Excuse me Mr Till. How do I order my lunch?"
This tendency to lose your nerve in the presence of someone with more perceived power, is a common barrier to speaking up with confidence, asking questions, gaining clarity, and getting more of what you want and need.
Wherever hierarchy exists, for example in families, schools, workplaces and religious institutions, speaking up can become more challenging.
In their book Speak Up - Say What Needs to be Said and Hear What Needs to Be Heard, authors Megan Reitz and John Higgins highlight the significant influence hierarchy and associated power differentials have in the workplace as one of the key barriers holding people back from putting their best selves forward.
Why?
According to Reitz and Higgins, one of the key reasons perceived power differences have such a great influence on voice, is our tendency to view power as a possession.
We often think of it as something someone has or doesn't have. We approach power in the same way we approach pizza - as if there is a finite amount to go around. We think if someone has a lot, then we will have less.
In this case, power becomes relational. Your sense of personal power will go up and down depending on how many pieces of pizza you feel someone else has taken.
The challenge this presents however is it places your sense of personal power outside of yourself - whether you speak up or not becomes dependent on the presence or absence of others.
The antidote to this is to build your own power grid - to source power from within and enhance your reserves. A stronger inner sense of personal power creates a solid energy bank on which to draw, no matter the characteristics of the company you keep.
To remain calm and speak with confidence, turn inward.
Below are a few ideas that may be useful:
1. Assume equality. Take the perspective that everyone is human and all points of view are valuable - no matter title, position or gender, your voice matters.
2. Separate your message from your fear. Shift the focus from you to your message. This helps with courage. Perhaps your idea will be instrumental in making positive change in a community, or your question will assist others gain clarity.
3. Practise being your authentic self. Notice the situations and people that trigger you to give up your power. Get curious - where does this come from? What is it about? Is your fear valid? Then dare yourself to be more authenticallly you when those people and situations arise.